My Personal History on This Planet – A Style Chart, pt. 1

WHEN RECORDING ONE’S SELF THROUGH A VISUAL, PHYSICAL BEING — OR, WHY IS FASHION IMPORTANT!?

In a moment of dispelling a lousy mood, i shift myself to contemplate my existence (one of my favourite past-times). I find myself drawn to fashion; cultivating the physical being i bring to the planet. It is the self that people identify instantaneously when they glance at me, my body is the conglomerate that represents me on this planet, it the first canvas i choose to decorate every day.

This brings up a multitude of questions —

♥ What is the style i fight for (in not wearing “conventional” styles)? ♥ What are the elements i choose to incorporate?♥ What are the items that bring me happiness when i look at them? ♥ How do i feel like i best express me on the outside without speaking? ♥ What represents my personal history on this planet, in this realm? ♥ What is my elemental being? ♥ How do i poise myself publicly? ♥ What is my freakdom? ♥ Why is it important for me to express what i am inside through fashion? ♥ HOW IS FASHION PHILOSOPHICAL? ♥ Why is it important to contemplate the choices we make?

1. Amber Fort, 2. Purple torso, 3. Sadhu, 4. Maharashtrian Women on Gudhi Padwa, 5. Dancing with religious abandon…, 6. lunchtime

ETC..

So, FASHION IS NON-VERBAL & IT SHOUTS multitudes! STYLE is HISTORY, repeating in a great mishmash of an ethnographic quilt. BEAUTIMOUS. DELICIOUS! Sweet.

As result, i bring you my influences, stylistically & historically — a memory bouncing against another. This physical being, this life is brought to you by all these tiny, eensy multifauceted things that cram themselves together & come out from day to day.

♥ ♥ ♥
FROM THE VERY BEGINNING OF INFLUENCE, LET’S EXAMINE THE ETHNIC;

We’ve got this super cool thing that’s evolved exponentially in the past 100 years, as travel becomes more & more affordable – a melting pot. Argueably, there’s a fear of losing cultural traditions, but there’s also a really neat possibility of better understanding another’s tradition & gaining respect & insight into yourself/others.

At this very moment, as i write this post, i’m listening to Panjabi MC — Bollywood is something that influences me, from the 90s bindi movement (Brought to you by… Madonna! Yoga! Gwen Stefani), to a Binge of Bollywood with a live-in boyfriend, to my color synesthesia that attracts me to the bright colors.

I love INDIA: Saffron Yellow & Curries, ghee, Elephants decked in gold, Buddhas, Blindingly hot summers waiting for rain, ice cold cinemas, dashing from train to train, crazy cities with tiny jalopies, jungles & sacred cows, epic weddings, ashrams, the fanged multi-armed deities, the festivals – I long to visit. A sari has been on my wish list since forever — to have brightly colored hair co-ordinated with a matching sari, i think i’d faint from delirious happiness.

The dust. Beige combined with a vibrant SMATTERING. Fuck, yes.

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How Does India. Come Into. My Vision-? OF MYSELF?!

Well, there’s the obvious – some of my favourite cuisine: PASHAWARI NAAN. BHEL PURI. CHUTNEYS! The spices. So much flavor that gets into you & shimmies.

Then, there’s the music (and the film);

And the style – Gold & Glitter & Veils & long skirts & Orange & Pink & Turqouise & Face Paint & Headdresses & Sandals & Mehndi & Nose rings & Marigolds & Shambles & Cities & Countries & Large Bodies of Water & Burning Twigs & Short lives & Long Deaths & Romances & Long Glances & Hidden Kisses & Burning Summers & Tiny Mirrors.

Above & beyond the pretty lists, there’s something that “American culture” lacks that i identify with in Indian culture. In my childhood, i was caught between the dirt & the pearls, wrapped up in stories that didn’t quite match reality – and in those pictures, words, thoughts, there’s something sincere about storytelling. That myth, the hardships ending in extreme beauty – a long drought followed by massive celebration that was spent much time fantasising about the reality. Yes. I am that.

So, that is a beginning. An answer to the questions above, a somewhat abbreviated finish to the sentence fragments above. And it begins!

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1. INDIA – “One Rupee ” ring, 2. INDIA, 3. Devotion. Varanasi, 4. The Sikh Bride, 5. Sari’s shop, 6. Floating offering. Varanasi

For those interested, I recommend watching Lagaan. The Guru is a really fun Americanized Bollywood film. I’ve gone on marathon Bollywood movie sessions, and i will comment that it is an acquired taste & they’re pretty hit & miss for the American movie-goer. Stylistically, i enjoyed The Darjeeling Limited.

Listening, i’ve really been digging Punjabi MC – There’s lots of his stuff on Lala. Niyaz is pretty amazing & the entire Lagaan soundtrack is fabulous. I also really like Tanhayee by Sonu Nigam.

This post contains abstract subject matter i plan on revisiting — i’ve got gypsies & irish lads & voodoo doctors & disco balls & burning man & platform shoes & fashion magazines on my brain. There’s such a mish-mash of goodies that i want to share with myself; and thanks to you for viewing my journey. I do understand that some of this inspiration might seem glossy, unrealistic and an outline – but that’s what this is supposed to be…

I’d like to take each of these inspirations & flesh them out beyond just a glossy portrait that i wear, that i identify with, to understand it more thoroughly – and that is part of this living, this being, this burning!

(Photo by Flip Cassidy)

And now, on a final note, i give you the words of the ephemeral Flip Cassidy:

An open letter of gratitude to the good people in the world.

Do you know how fucking beautiful you are?
Standing out amongst corruption, depression and hysteria?

You’d better know.
You’re what makes Everything Worth It.

All of you who’ve been hurt and healed yourselves, charging relentlessly toward joy and the maximum potential of your human existences, unburdened by fear.
All of you who have standards and goals, and will fight for them, realizing the ultimate weapon in the universe is the human soul.
All of you who know that your past mistakes do not constitute the body of your weakness, rather the opportunities you’ve chosen along the way that have made you strong.
All of you who “just aren’t that person anymore”.
All of you who live dedicated to putting more and more good into the world, because you know that’s what attracts others like you. You are spiritually magnetic.
All of you who know how much shit there is out there, who have ever felt the weight of it, and shrugged it off, knowing that it isn’t a reason to hide, rather the reason it’s so important to be a catalyst to the contrary.
You know it’s needed. You know how badly you need it, and he and she needs it, and the world needs it.
You know that every instance of pain that would cause you to recoil are the most important moments to concentrate on the good you have and can give.
Strike back by leading the army of your mind down the road less traveled.

Thank you for being out there.
Thank you for being out there with me.

A lot of people go to sleep every night doubting or hoping that we exist.
Now I go to sleep grateful that you do.
Thank you.

Playdate: A/S/L?

Photo by Unseen

A few months back, i was hanging out with a fellow blogger & the subject of internet dating came up… But how can we know who we’re meeting? We ended up talking in length about our experiences, and my lady friend seemed to feel my thoughts were worth putting out (there).

I’ve gone on quite a few dates through the interwebs – faux paus & good stories alike. Primarily, my long-term relationships have been instigated via real life connections, but i’ve met amazing people through internet dating sites (a/s/l, anyone?!). Below you’ll find my tips, because when i started dating online, it wasn’t really an acceptable thing to admit, and i had to learn from scratch.

1.) Anonymize. Deviate from your standard user name or screen name. I suggest a handle that isn’t easy to link by googling. Also, if you have a web “persona” attached to your name, i’d suggest signing the e-mails with a less obvious name. Maybe your initials? a nickname?
The above prevents any potential suitors from being able to google you & find out information about your entire life. Trust me, you don’t want this to happen at this point in the game — some dates don’t go well, and depending on the level of your comfort, it is nice to not have an annoying date following your life online. Plus, it removes the mystery! Find out things the old fashioned way.

2.) Present yourself nicely. While i suggest an “anonymous” user name, photographs are the most important part of the game. Try to think of internet dating like regular dating, but with an easier, more polite approach & potential let-down. People at bars don’t have a blinking neon sign over their head with their interests – the photo should be the first thing that draws you in, and the subject matter keeps you looking. I look for profiles that offer photographs that show a variety of the subject in flattering, direct light. Smiling is important, fun is awesome & a full-body shot helps to give a better taste of the overall attraction. I believe that most individuals find myspace angles misleading & gratuitous party shots distasteful. I fully endorse your shallowness at this point in the game.

3.) Keep it creative. Profiles with eclectic expression often merit more messages than smokin’ mommas with dull profiles. The creative profiles will give your potential suitors incentive to message you & something in common. Tell a little story about your didgeridoo, or share a photograph of your favorite costume. Chat speak is to be avoided at all costs.

4.) Less is more. Dating profiles aren’t a place to share really personal information — rather, a place to share your interests & the outlying reason you’re on the site. No matter what you’re looking for, try to keep the profile like an essay — talk about the subject (you) at the beginning of the profile & keep what you’re looking for at the very end. Try to be open & keep it basic to stuff that is a must.

5.) Be honest about your status. Save your date some time — if you’re in a special relationship that allows you to date others, mention it at the bottom of the profile.

Despite preparedness, I’ve noted that there’s still concern about dating people that you’ve never met before — keep in mind that the internet leaves “footprints” like an IP address, whereas a random encounter at a bar does not. If you feel uncomfortable, take a few steps to protect yourself, such as let a good friend know you’re going on a date with someone you met online. Try to trust your intuition in any situation when interacting with a stranger – if something feels wrong, get out of the situation quickly & gracefully.

My rules tend to follow that i try to meet early, because this prevents something i call the BOOK TO MOVIE phenomenon. Remember that time you read that really great book & then the damn industry took it, put it on screen & it wasn’t at all how you recalled it?
Yeah. Internet dating can be a lot like that.

Over time, i learned that it was best to look at profiles & pick my dates based on photographs — i’d take a quick look at them & gauge my response. The subject didn’t have to be a hunkadilla, just someone who seemed kind, had photos that caught my eye & represented themselves in a way i found at least peripherally attractive. Smiling is also something incredibly important to me. No photos of my suitor smiling? No bueno.

I usually scan the profile afterward for dangerously incompatible key words & if most everything looked interesting, i’d send a simple message. Utilizing the basic rules of flirting, a friendly hello followed by a genuine compliment about something external (not biological, this is getting too intimate) & a question about an interesting piece of information on the profile is sufficient.

I don’t suggest mentioning meeting in the first message, either. After a few messages have been exchanged — i usually offer an e-mail address, or something more intimate, like a telephone number suggesting we talk. Some people might think this is risky behavior, but i find the voice incredibly important. I think this is the best way to tell if someone is creepy or if the date will go poorly.

I tend to think meet-ups are a no-brainer — someplace with ambiance that is public & well-lit (truck stop bathrooms are generally a poor locale). I think that a coffee shop is a little ubiquitous, so choose something different, like a tiki bar. Keeping the first date light & open ended is important – i took an online date to a play once. Conversationally, we were painfully incompatible & i had to spend the night introducing my date to friends i knew in the cast of the play. I think i’ll save the play for a few dates down the road next time.

I find internet dating to work the best when i’m approaching it as a fun experience, rather as the means to end a lonely night & find a relationship. I’ve found love with a friend connection on craigslist, met lovers through burning man message boards, and become friends with people i sought dates with originally. In my opinion, an initial shared interest is still the best way to meet, but internet dating is fun.

Dating online can be a liberating change for people who want to incorporate certain things in a relationship (like kink), that can’t be established in the first date. I highly advocate bringing things like kink to the table in a profile & searching it out if it is necessary to a relationship or something you’d like to explore.

And last, here’s some ideas for dates —

♥ Do a Crazy Blind Date & double up with a pal.
♥ Speed date through craigslist – meet up with potential dates at different bars in one night. Be open, have fun, think of the night like investigative journalism.
♥ Check out Gala Darling’s site for style tips. I really like looking at posts like “How to have a great picnic” or Gala’s podcasts come with high recommendations.
♥ Make a silly goal with dating – a great incentive to meet people. Over-fixate on a whimsical detail you like about a potential partner & plan a date based on that detail. Send the person a silly message such as, “Hello! I am a great aficionado of the color purple & pixie cuts on women. I’m going out on dates to write a paper on the topic of fae women in urban environments.”
♥ Check out Francesca Lia Block’s new book, Wood Nymph Seeks Centaur – a Mythological Dating Guide

Above everything, i encourage politeness. I feel that not saying anything at all is better than a rude message. Don’t feel you have to respond to every message, or request a date from anyone who pays you attention. Have fun! And remember: sometimes dating is a great excuse to find your new favourite hang out. My best first date find? A David Lynch-esque bar, complete with an enourmous polar bear & red damask wallpaper & Dracula pin ball & a giant walk-in fridge full of foreign beer.